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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29069919">A journey to the past</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn_Forster/pseuds/Lynn_Forster'>Lynn_Forster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Child dealing with PTSD, Everybody Lives, Gen, Kanej as adoptive parents, Post-Book 2: Crooked Kingdom, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, WGPWeek1, Weekly Grisha Prompts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:21:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29069919</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn_Forster/pseuds/Lynn_Forster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty-three years after Crooked Kingdom events.</p><p>Kaz and Inej are now the adoptive parents of two little orphan siblings.<br/>Kaz struggles a lot with his new role, especially with the oldest kid, who often suffers from mental breakdowns and nightmares, a scar left on his young soul by the harsh life of Ketterdam streets.<br/>One evening, Kaz is the one who has to help the child during a crisis. </p><p>*** </p><p>PROMPTS: </p><p>1. A torn garment<br/>2. Counting down from 10<br/>3. Hiding under the bed - OR - hiding in the closet</p><p>#WeeklyGrishaPrompts #Week1</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker &amp; Original Character(s), Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik, Mentioned Relationships: - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Week #1: 10... 9... 8...</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A journey to the past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story takes part to the Weekly Grisha Prompts challenge!<br/>I hope I did a good job.<br/>Don't worry for my other stories, I'm working to update them!<br/>Thanks to everyone who will read!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
<span>"Inej!"<br/>
Kaz entered the room with the grace of an ox, but he immediately froze at his place and shut his mouth when he saw his wife glowering at him. She pressed the index finger against her mouth, nodding at the sleeping baby girl she was cradling.<br/>
"What?" she asked, moving her lips without letting a sound out.<br/>
"The boy," Kaz whispered. "He's having another crisis..."<br/>
Inej sighed: “If I put her down now, she'll wake up” she whispered back. “Please, go to him. You can handle it.”<br/>
“He doesn't like me!”<br/>
“This is not true,” the woman replied. “You take part to impossible heists everyday, Kaz. You can help a child to calm down.”<br/>
“I would gladly take part to an impossible heist right now, rather than this!” he grumbled, walking out of the room.<br/>
What was he supposed to do?<br/>
At the age of forty, he went, almost out of nowhere, from no children to two. Before he could realize it, he was a father.<br/>
Rani, the little girl, wasn't a big deal, she was actually a quiet, cheerful kid. But Adhyan, her brother, who was eight and had already faced the cruelty and the dangers of Ketterdam streets...<br/>
Kaz stopped himself in the middle of the aisle, his hand firmly clenched around the handle of his cane. Inej's voice in his head told him to go ahead and enter the room where the boy was hiding, but he turned around and went to the kitchen instead.<br/>
“Aenya?”<br/>
A tall girl around twenty, with long dark hair and a curvaceous appearance, was standing in front of the window, eating a cold waffle.<br/>
She turned her head, staring at him. Her eyes were the same color of Fjerdan ice.<br/>
“Uncle Kaz?” she replied, raising an eyebrow. “What is it?”<br/>
The man nervously ticked the tip of the cane on the floor: “It's... it's Adhyan. It's happening again...”<br/>
Aenya sighed, shaking her head: “Kaz... I cannot use my powers on that kid every time he has a crisis. It is not a real help, to him, it's just... a temporary manipulation of his feelings. It's not fair, nor healthy.”<br/>
“You don't need to use your magic. You can simply talk to him, and...”<br/>
“And what would you do, should you find yourself alone with the kid?” the Heartrender interrupted him. “Inej cannot be omnipresent, nor do I, nor does any of us. You must learn how to help him by yourself.”<br/>
Kaz bit his own tongue. He hated everything of that situation. He hated feeling so scared, he hated asking for help and showing things weren't under his control.<br/>
It was easy, to him, to be Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel, the King of Criminals in Ketterdam.<br/>
But to be a father... Ghezen, that seemed to be the most impossible of the heists!<br/>
“That kid hates me,” he finally replied. “Or he's afraid of me, or both. He doesn't like having me around. With Inej he's completely different. Last night, before sleeping, he called her “mama” for the first time. While with me... he barely talks. I'm not made to be a father.”<br/>
“No one is,” Aenya said, swallowing the last piece of her waffle. “And Adhyan doesn't hate you at all. Maybe he doesn't feel completely comfortable with you, but it's understandable, since you're not doing much to appear less scary and distant.”<br/>
Kaz opened his mouth, but the girl didn't give him the time to reply: “Go to him. You must try, at least. If you don't succeed, you can call me.”<br/>
The man sighed, raising his dark eyes to the ceiling, but then he said: “Accepted.”<br/>
He was sure he would have needed Aenya's help soon, but he didn't add any kind of comment, he didn't want to risk to annoy her and make her change her mind.<br/>
He walked to the kid's bedroom, trying to suppress that unpleasant sense of anxiety rising in his chest, and he slowly opened the door, taking a peek inside.<br/>
There was no sign of Adhyan, except for a nervous whisper coming from under the bed.<br/>
Kaz cleared his throat, cautiously entering the room.<br/>
“Adhyan?” he called. “It's me. Kaz.”<br/>
The whisper stopped for a brief moment, but it soon started again, louder and angrier.<br/>
Kaz approached the bed and knelt, looking under it: the kid was curled up, his hands pressed against his ears, his eyes closed, his lips moving frantically.<br/>
He was counting down from ten, again and again. He did it every time he faced a crisis, but he had never told the reason, nor to Kaz, nor to Inej, nor to anyone.<br/>
Brekker sighed and sat, his back against the side of the bed.<br/>
</span>
  <span>
    <em>“What am I supposed to do?” </em>
  </span>
  <span>he thought. </span>
  <span>
    <em>“What would Inej do?”<br/>
</em>
  </span>
  <span>The answer wasn't difficult to guess: Inej would have talked him, quietly, kindly and wisely.<br/>
Dirtyhands could deal with wisdom, but he still had to work a lot on quiet and kindness. Which words could he offer? Which words...<br/>
A sudden idea stuck into his mind.<br/>
</span>
  <span>
    <em>“Which words would I have needed to hear, when I was a lonely kid in the streets?”<br/>
</em>
  </span>
  <span>He closed his eyes, his thoughts wondered back to his painful past.<br/>
“I was about you age when I started living on the streets. I wasn't alone, at the beginning: there was my brother, Jordie, with me. We only had each other, like you and your sister. But Jordie, who was the oldest, didn't protect me like you did and still do with Rani. I mean... it wasn't his fault... but I cannot help to think that... if he had been like you... maybe things would have been different... maybe I would be different... maybe I would be better...”<br/>
He suddenly realized silence had fallen into the room.<br/>
Kaz opened his eyes: Adhyan was sitting in front of him, his legs crossed.<br/>
A tiny kid he was, with soft, black curls and dark skin; his big, brown eyes were fixed on him, a sparkle of interest and curiosity enlightened them.<br/>
“I didn't even hear you coming out from your hiding place,” the criminal said, a little smile on his lips. “You're silent like mama Inej.”<br/>
“What happened to Jordie?” the kid asked.<br/>
Dirtyhands straightened his back, sighing: “We both fell ill: Jordie died, I survived. And from that moment... I could only rely on myself...”<br/>
“I'm sorry,” the kid replied.<br/>
“It's okay. Now I'm here and I'm no more alone. There are Mama Inej, Uncles Jes and Wy, Uncle Matthias, Aunt Nina, Uncle Kuwei, your cousins, the Dregs... I have a family. I just hope you and your sister are happy to be part of it.”<br/>
For the first time, Adhyan smiled at him: “We are.”<br/>
Kaz smiled back, then, he nodded at the sleeve of the kid's white shirt: “What happened? Did you tear it while hiding under the bed?”<br/>
The child nodded, lowering his glance to the floor: “Yes... I'm sorry... do you think... mama Inej will get angry for this?”<br/>
Dirtyhands shook his head, standing up: “Nah, it's not a big deal, it can be fixed. What about you? Do you feel better?”<br/>
Adhyan nodded timidly: “A bit...”<br/>
“Would you like... some waffles? I just hope Aeny hasn't eaten them all...”<br/>
The little boy giggled: “But there's a lot of batter! If she has eaten them all, we can make others! It's not a big deal!”<br/>
Kaz couldn't help but let a little laugh out: “That's true. You're very smart.”<br/>
Adhyan stretched his little hand towards him and, after a little hesitation, Kaz took it with his, bigger and gloved.<br/>
“We must give a waffle also to mama Inej.”<br/>
“That's a good idea.”<br/>
Hand in hand, they walked together out of the bedroom.<br/>
</span><br/>
<br/>
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